From gerard Fri Jun 23 10:17 CDT 1995
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From: gerard (Brian Gerard)
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Subject: Joke returns (fwd)
To: jenkins@arch.umsl.edu (Jason Jenkins)
Date: Fri, 23 Jun 1995 10:17:34 -0500 (CDT)
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From mail Fri Jun 23 00:02 CDT 1995
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From: s914473@umslvma.umsl.edu (Mike Vogt)
Subject: Joke returns
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Thanks for the jokes. Here's one of the funniest things I've ever found
with my computer. It's actually a Dave Berry story.

> The Farside comes to life in Oregon.
>
> I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it all on
> videotape.  The tape is from a local TV news show in Oregon, which
> sent a reporter out to cover the removal of a 45-foot, eight-ton dead
> whale that washed up on the beach.  The responsibility for getting
> rid of the carcass was placed on the Oregon State Highway Division,
> apparently on the theory that highways and whales are very similar in
> the sense of being large objects.
>
> So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan--remember, I am
> not making this up--of blowing up the whale with dynamite.  The
> thinking is that the whale would be blown into small pieces, which
> would be eaten by seagulls, and that would be that.  A textbook whale
> removal.
>
> So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton of
> dynamite next to the whale and set it off.  I am probably not guilty
> of understatement when I say that what follows, on the videotape, is
> the most wonderful event in the history of the universe.  First you
> see the whale carcass disappear in a huge blast of smoke and flame.
> Then you hear the happy spectators shouting "Yayy!" and "Whee!"
> Then, suddenly, the crowd's tone changes. You hear a new sound like
> "splud."  You hear a woman's voice shouting "Here come pieces of...
> MY GOD!"  Something smears the camera lens.
>
> Later, the reporter explains: "The humor of the entire situation
> suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale
> blubber fell everywhere."  One piece caved in the roof of a car
> parked more than a quarter of a mile away.  Remaining on the beach
> were several rotting whale sectors the size of condominium units.
> There was no sign of the seagulls who had no doubt permanently
> relocated to Brazil.  This is a very sobering videotape.  Here at the
> institute we watch it often, especially at parties.
>
> But this is no time for gaiety.  This is a time to get hold of the
> folks at the Oregon State Highway Division and ask them, when they
> get done cleaning up the beaches, to give us an estimate on the US
> Capitol.

Mike   --   s914473@admiral.umsl.edu   --
 - Basically we are, you know, carnivores. We are not vegetarians. We like
meat, we like fresh meat!